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I will be happy like her…

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Single Blessedness Is A Calling

Life is indeed unfair because there are many unwritten rules in the society which are unjust to humanity. One major issue is in relation to one’s vocation- whether married, single or priest/nun.

What is the unwritten rule? Society will demand and judge you automatically that if you are not a priest or nun, you have to get married or else you are gay or lesbian. Others will even say that if you are “good looking” you are either gay/lesbian or taken. These are toxic ideas or fallacies which are affecting one’s mental hygiene or mental health. Society is very cruel. These are not true and people believe it to be true. That’s why they marry for wrong reasons and just end up in the statistics of broken marriages which is the trend now.

Society rejected the reality of “Single Blessedness!” Sometimes some think to be single is a misnimer. They simply forget single blessedness is a calling! It is even a choice! Is it hard to believe that there are people who are not really for marriage? Others will say that if you are happy being single why marry somebody you don’t even know and take the risk of getting into a relationship which is sometimes bound to fail due to varied reasons?

Sometimes, due to societal pressure, those who are being doubted to be gay or lesbian even if it is not true tend to rebel in the society and so they make it happen.They decided to explore what is this societal prejudice of homosexuality among singles. Sad to say, some enjoyed the thrill/adventure of it and at the end they become gay/lesbian.

People don’t get married for so many reasons which narrowminded individuals cannot understand and instead of minding their own business, they will start rumor mmongering or the business of gossip which is very much or highly profitable nowadays. Reasons of poverty, hereditary fatal disease, character/attitude problem and other logical justifications are just being responsible individuals for becoming singles for life. They just don’t want to victimize their future children to experience the bad genetics and questionable environment we live in today. This is acceptable which others cannot understand.

It is fearful to marry nowadays because there is an escalating number of married couples undergoing annulment due to reasons they only know. Love is not only the ingredient of long and lasting married relationship. If you cannot supply the financial demands of married life, love will exit and later on annulment will follow or problems of infidelity etc. Gone are the days of our grandparents and parents where fidelity was still at least a value. But in the here and now, we are living in a different world where infidelity is the name of the game. As if, if you are not an infidel, you are not in.

In every vocation, whether you are married, single or priest/nun, there are always advantages and disadvantages. Let us just respect one’s vocation and pray for their success and happiness and stop mocking each other’s vocation.

“The best is you are preventing the unfair victimization on innocent children.” Life is a risk, it is a choice, sad if you are a victim of life you did not choose. Could it be possible? You alone can answer that based from your own experience.

By the way, there are gay priests, lesbian nuns, gay/lesbian married individuals, in other words, just a cover-up of their own homosexuality. Therefore, it is really unfair to single out that singles are homosexuals because they chose not to get married or priest/nun. Sometimes, this judgemental attitude is simply a projection of their own homosexuality.

posted by Dr. Mitchell M. Feraren @ 6:48 PM
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Why unmarried people enjoy single blessedness?

Many single men and women are happy in their way of life. I asked some single people why they are not married up to now and this is their common reply, “we have not found yet our ideal partner for life.” Some ladies say that they are looking for tall, dark and handsome men; others say macho, debonaire and romantic partner; a couple of women prefer men who are highly educated, with steady job and not the wine-women type. “You know Sir, if we enter into this serious thing and later on both of us are incompatible, either one of us will be frustrated and might lead into fatal consequence like separation, divorce, etc. If we have children later on, this horrible incident will affect their life, study and their future. Beforehand we want to avoid this regrettable thing to happen,” enthused a sophisticated lady.

In the U.S., statistics show that out of 100 marriages, 70 ended up in divorce, 10 in separation and 20 marriages still hanging on the cliff’s edge. In Christian families, seldom do married couples divorce or leave husband or wife. The persistent preaching and admonition of Pentecostal Pastors and Evangelists in their regular church services, evangelistic meetings and radio-television broadcasts had led to remarriage of about 50 percent divorced couple and reunite nearly 60 percent prodigal husbands. Deeply religious men and women of God in the U.S. are aware of God’s commandments and teachings on the Bible about marriage. St. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:8, “But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: it is good for them if they remain even as I am.”

Priests and nuns and many devoted Christians adhere to the teaching of Jesus Christ. In I Corinthians 7:32, 33 and 34,: “But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the thing of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. There is a difference between wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in the spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband.”

There are a number of single men and women who are happier with their singleness. They are not tied up with limitation and restriction from home as when they are married. They can go home freely at night and even up to the wee hours in the morning without somebody telling them, “where have you been?” A number of successful single women say that “it is better to be single and unattached than be married and suffer untold beatings and miseries, cruel and satanic-like husbands.” When asked who will take care of her when she gets old, the single lady replied, “I can adopt a child of my relatives send her to school until she graduates and lands a job, she will be my caregiver.”

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What is single blessedness?

Answer:

in life, there are three (3) callings or vocations:

1. married life
2. religious calling
3. single blessedness.

single blessedness is for those who want to remain single, pure and chaste their entire lives and dedicate themselves for the greater glory of god.

single blessedness is a choice, as the other two are. it does not mean that the woman is unwanted or does not have suitors. it is because it is by being single that she can best serve god and humanity.

also, single blessedness is not limited to women as there are men too who choose to embrace this vocation.

there is no higher calling among the three as each person has a different calling. what matters is just we responded to god’s call to love and said “yes,” to his will, as mary, our mother did.

Just want to share this article I read from Yahoo:

Secrets To A Lasting Marriage

Get the professional perspective on making relationships go the distance

By Pierra Calasanz-Labrador for Yahoo! Southeast Asia

You vowed to love each other for better or for worse, till death do you part…but how do you keep these promises from sounding like a death sentence when the honeymoon is over?

Happily married couples often share that the secret to their longevity is treating their spouse as their lover as well as their best friend. For a professional perspective on making relationships go the distance, we chatted with Pilar Tolentino, Executive Director of Center for Family Ministries (CEFAM).

Be pro-active about your issues
Gone are the days when couples counseling meant you were headed for splitsville. Instead of being confused by conflicting unsolicited advice, many modern couples seek professional or spiritual guidance from a neutral third party. Tolentino shares: “There are different reasons couples come to counseling: the need for clarification on certain issues like parenting, roles and expectations; because of a current crisis like accidents, death, or financials; or to find healing like in cases of infidelity. A common factor is to seek assistance in understanding, accepting, and healing a current situation that is causing pain or confusion in the relationship.”

The element of surprise
Every so often, do something unexpected to keep the passion alive. Says Tolentino, “Simple thoughtful acts—like surprise visit to his/her office for a lunch date, love-notes, weekend getaways, cooking special meals, giving gifts even when there’s no occasion, a soothing massage—can add flavor to daily routines as a couple.”

Put your partner before your pride
Instead of playing the blame game, put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and see the situation from his point of view. Review your Corinthians 1:13. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

Cool off before saying something hurtful
Newlyweds are always advised to “never let the sun set on an argument,” but when you’re boiling mad, someone’s definitely sleeping on the couch. Tolentino shares, “It’s probably not literally ‘sleeping angry,’ but do not let an argument go unresolved. Dialogue when each of you has cooled down. If an agreement is not yet possible at that point, at least acknowledge and respect the spouse’s feelings. Seek assistance, like counseling, if this will help.” Sometimes, it’s the seemingly innocuous little arguments that can snowball into one big disaster. Tolentino says: “Breakdown of marriages usually happens when ‘minor’ conflicts are not addressed. These ‘minor’ problems can build up negative emotions.”

Don’t assume your partner is a mind-reader
Many people don’t know how to express their feelings, or worse, expect that their partner should know what they want. “It is important that openness and communication is encouraged in the relationship. Set aside time for just the two of you at least once a week. Give your spouse your full attention; listen without judgment. Remember that communication is two-way.”

Show your appreciation daily
A marriage’s silent enemy is being taken for granted. Don’t wait till bitterness sets in before you try to “bring back that loving feeling.” Everyday, pay your spouse a sincere compliment, show your gratitude, and express your affection. “Remember the things you value about your marriage and the good traits of your spouse. This will help reaffirm your commitment and strengthen you in facing the challenges that may come your way. Make an effort to make your spouse feel important, appreciated, and loved. Love has to be expressed.”

Grow (old) together
Getting married doesn’t mean giving up your individuality. When you’re in a relationship that allows for personal growth, you each bring something to the relationship. Tolentino puts it this way: “One main element in a happy marriage are two happy individuals. Each one must give importance to the well-being of the other. Each one must be supported, respected, affirmed, appreciated and loved.”  However, don’t forget to enjoy shared activities as well, so that you grow together.

The advice Tolentino dishes most often is this: “Remember that you are partners. Appreciate each one’s contribution in strengthening the relationship, respect each other as equal, look out for the well-being of the other as you would for yourself.” Bottomline: with love, affection, laughter, faith, limitless patience and mutual respect, your relationship can deepen after the honeymoon and you can look forward to living happily EVEN after.

Contact CEFAM at phone +63 2 4264289 — 92, email <cefam_ed@yahoo.com.ph> or <www.cefam.ph>.

Source:
http://ph.she.yahoo.com/blogs/fabulous-mom/secrets-lasting-marriage-025859506.html